Oneshot: Fallen
by Arista Lycoris
Summary: This is a oneshot from a third person viewpoint, focusing on Kanda. It takes place between Chapter 14 and 15. If you haven't read Blade Chord, I'd recommend doing so before reading this so that you understand what is going on and why. Kanda figures out his feelings toward Saya, but isn't entirely sure what to do about them.


This is a oneshot from a third person viewpoint, focusing on Kanda. It takes place between Chapter 14 and 15 (15-16 if you include the Omake in your counting like Fanfiction does). Kanda's a little awkward to write, but I feel like I at least did a decent job on this one. If you haven't read **Blade Chord** but are reading this, I would strongly recommend you go and read the actual fic so that you know what's going on and why.

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He'd certainly noticed her stiffness when they had entered the orphanage and had begun to wonder silently to himself if Saya had some bad experience with one in the past. She never spoke of her childhood, but she didn't seem to be having nightmares anymore, so he decided not to bother thinking on it too much. As they sat down to wait, Kanda became slightly lost in thought, his mind drifting back to that night a few weeks back. When Saya nearly fell out the window. He'd pulled her back without thinking, probably a bit too hard considering how they'd both ended up on his floor. He could still recall how light she was, for someone who ate so much, she didn't retain much of the weight, and she'd been shaking, just slightly, but whether it was from the cold air she'd been sitting in, or if it had been from the near death experience, he didn't know. More than anything else, he'd noted just how _warm_ she'd been, that realization had, for a moment, overrode how angry he was with her for nearly falling like an idiot.

Kanda had no intention of creating an awkward atmosphere, but the way her eyes darted around and her breath caught made it obvious that she had been feeling uncomfortable. There was a light tint of pink on her cheeks, he'd noted, as he demanded to know what she'd been thinking about. He wanted to know… needed to at that moment. He almost couldn't stand that she was hiding something from him. Why was that? Did he… did he really care about her that much? As children she'd practically never left him alone, he could have read her mind, she'd been so open with him and now… He felt he hardly knew her at all.

Especially now. She'd never told him of any orphanages, or anything from before they'd met at the Black Order. She had almost professionally avoided speaking about her past and he'd made it easier by never bringing up his own. As a child he'd been content to let her follow him around and at some point, he'd begun to worry about her, whenever she got hurt, whenever Leverrier had told her caretakers she was not allowed to have dinner because her sync-ratio was too low… he'd always gotten worried, a feeling that had been alien to him at the time. His dark eyes slid over to her for a moment, taking note of all the little things she did that indicated her discomfort. Moving her hands slightly, tapping her foot, staring at the floor. She did not want to be there.

"What can you sense?" he demanded, watching her dark eyes snap up to meet his.

Perhaps he was trying to distract her from her obvious nervousness, or from whatever dark thoughts were plaguing her at that moment. He wasn't privy to her thoughts anymore. "Twelve small bodies… four adults, not including us, inside this building. The shapes are vaguer the farther they are from me… there are about seven more people on this block at the moment… no… ten."

"Akuma?" he asked, this time wondering if there was an estimate on how many they would have to fight. Kanda had been watching her face as she focused on using her Innocence. Her eyebrows knit together and he wandered if she knew that was how she looked.

"I can't tell that from here." He glanced over again to see her blinking her eyes, as though becoming accustomed to their surroundings again. It would be better to remember that, so he knew when to have her check their surroundings. "Something about the human skin makes it so I can't feel anything about them, my Innocence can only send me shapes, so if they're transformed, then I could tell you, but there are no transformed Akuma in the area." She made a point not to look at him. "My Innocence isn't Allen's eye. I can't see souls."

"_Che_, jealous of the _moyashi_?"

"Where did _that_ come from, Ba-Kanda." She snapped, giving him a look that clearly said she wanted to hit him. "His eye is useful, but I'd rather not see the souls of the dead."

They waited in silence for a about twenty minutes until the door opened and a waddling fat man entered, he didn't bother to look at the two people sitting in his office. He merely asked, "Are you here to adopt?"

Saya almost instantly hung her head and took a breath that sounded like a sigh. Kanda didn't spare her a glance that time, but he did wonder if something was wrong with her. "No."

From there he had to wait for the stupid fat man to actually realize who they were. Their uniforms should have been obvious, in fact, they were. His eyes widened and pupils dilated and within a few seconds he was beginning to sweat. "I see. Then what are you here for?"

The man's hands were moving, but Kanda's was already on Mugen, waiting for an excuse to unsheathe the weapon, when Saya spoke, her voice uncharacteristically calm. "Kanda, he has a gun." He nodded slightly in response and let Saya do her thing. While he would have been perfectly capable of blocking all the bullets a small gun could fire with just Mugen, she was already creating a shield. When the first shot went off, easily deflected by the shield she had created, Kanda could feel her stiffen beside him, freezing almost.

Kanda counted the bullets as they were shot and when the barrel clicked empty, he unsheathed Mugen. "Saya!" his voice shook her out of whatever state of mind she was in and the shield dissipated. Only moments later though, the broker began to call her a monster, over and over again and she froze once more. He glanced at her cautiously, seeing the conflict in her eyes, seeing them filled with far more emotion than he'd seen since they were much younger. Something was wrong with her, she was thinking too much about something. "_Oi." _He demanded, snapping her out of it once more.

She nodded as he stepped in front of her, not needing more words to know what it was he wanted to know. How many Akuma were there now? The Broker's life had been threatened, if there were any within the orphanage, they would have heard the gunfire and transformed and Kanda was particularly fond of being informed when possible. "Four…" she began, but there was no finality in her voice, "Five…" a few more seconds of silence, filled with nothing more than Kanda glaring at the broker, until Saya seemed to come back to herself. "Seven Akuma. At least."

Kanda nodded, eyes on the broker and he muttered. "I'll take care of him." But he didn't move until Saya was out of the room. Once she was gone, he stepped forward, Mugen flashed through the air and stopped only when the tip was at the broker's neck. "_Che_." He'd come to the conclusion that Saya's self-esteem was still fragile, that she might still hate her Innocence or herself as she had when they were children. She'd never said it, but he could feel it, it was the same feeling of self-loathing he'd had toward himself. He stared down at the broker, his glare more threatening than ever as he remembered that he couldn't kill this man. Instead, he slammed the back of his katana against the man's head and sent him sprawling to the floor, unconscious in a single blow. That man was the real monster.

After ensuring the broker would not get up and flee while Kanda was outside fighting Akuma (after breaking both the man's legs because he had nothing to tie him up with), he left the room. The sounds of explosions from the first room in the building had led him to believe that either Saya was killing multiple Akuma in a short period of time or, more likely, struggling against numerous Akuma. Sure enough, as soon as he was through the door, Saya was flying at a wall, looking fairly beaten up. "Took you long enough." She grunted, trying to downplay how much she'd been hurt.

"_Urusai_."

It didn't take too long for Saya to convince him to move the fighting outside of the orphanage, where they would have more room to fight, there were too many potential civilians inside to protect them and fight the Akuma, there wouldn't be enough room to react should the children transform and there were far too many places for the monsters to hide.

"I can stay defensive and guard you from attacks while keeping these kids safe, but I can't attack from a distance if I'm doing that."

"What?" Kanda's eyes snapped over to hers, she looked determined, but tired.

"I can release the second level of my Innocence. It's more like level one and a half, but that's not the point. I can defend at a distance and attack and defend close range. Not for long, but I should be able to last even if all these kids morph. You focus on attacking and I'll watch your back." Kanda's eyes narrowed, searching her eyes for the emotions that had been there before, for any sign that she would be unable to focus, or that she would freeze again, but her little quip about level one and a half had served to let him know that she was alright. She never joked when she wasn't. "Unless you _want_ to keep sitting here and wait for it to blow over?"

Finally he nodded once and stepped away from her shield, sensing when she released the next level of her Innocence. For a moment she seemed particularly powerful, but that didn't mean he let his guard down entirely when he first sprinted away from her to fight the Akuma nearby. There were more than she'd counted before, some must have been out of range of her Innocence. After the first few times she'd succeeded in guarding his back, Kanda focused more on killing the Akuma and guarding his front, moving through the Akuma much more quickly than usual, but he never let his guard down completely, so when she didn't guard him, he managed to defend, eyes snapping to Saya in time to see her pained and shocked expression as she collapsed. His own eyes widened and he dashed to her side, cutting through the last few Akuma as he did so. "Oi! Saya! Wake up!" But she didn't. It was dark out, how could she be unconscious? Even back in France she'd been unable to fall completely unconscious… her breathing was slowing. Wasn't it her Innocence that kept her awake when the sun was down? Could it have… broken?

He froze, chilled suddenly. Her Innocence was what kept her alive. If it had broken… Kanda lifted her up, holding her carefully, as the Finder finally appeared. "Call headquarters. Tell Komui she's collapsed." He was already running full speed toward HQ, unwilling to let her die. For once that stupid supervisor did something with the right precautions. The town was at the foot of the Order's headquarters.

The Finder had gotten a hold of Komui quite quickly, so when Kanda arrived, the Head Nurse and half the science department took the unconscious girl into the infirmary and got to work. Lenalee found him shortly after. "Kanda-kun! What happened?" Allen and Lave were with her.

"I don't know." He grunted in response, not even bothering to glare at the group.

The annoying red head was keeping his mouth shut for once; he seemed to understand the gravity of the situation. The three of them sat quietly nearby, watching people move frantically in and out of the infirmary. "She'll be okay. Saya's one of the toughest people I know. She'll be fine." It sounded like Lenalee was trying to convince herself more than anything else.

Nearly an hour had passed during which Kanda hadn't spoken a word, when finally Komui and the rest of the science department left the infirmary, the supervisor calling Kanda over to the door. "She's alive, but we're not sure about her current condition or why this happened. She's stable, but when you go in… try not to be too shocked and don't bump into anything. Her situation is still delicate."

He left without clarifying, taking Lenalee, Allen and Lavi with him. Kanda entered the infirmary and stopped for a moment, his eyes widened just a fraction. Saya was on a bed, an IV drip in her right arm, an oxygen mask on her face, numerous patches and needles attached to her left arm, more patches were on her forehead, and the bed was surrounded with machines that were beeping softly. She looked nothing like a functioning human. The Head Nurse had placed a chair by her bedside and motioned for him to sit down. His friend's face looked peaceful, as though she were having a nice dream or not dreaming at all, but it was still nighttime… seeing her unconscious now… at this time… was so strange.

She was paler than normal, her skin taking on an almost sickly glow and he frowned, brow creasing, he looked so irritated that the nurses avoided him. His eyes were on Saya though, as he wondered if she was going to wake up at all. If this had happened any farther from the Order's headquarters, or if he hadn't been there… she wouldn't be there anymore. She could have already left for good. How many times could that have happened during those five years she was alone? What if it had happened just last week when she'd run off to someplace he'd never thought to look?

Kanda's brow furrowed more, his frown became more prominent and it looked as though he were glaring holes into her forehead. The thoughts of how he could have lost her kept coming back, he couldn't ignore them, images kept appearing in his mind and he realized… after hours of sitting there, that he couldn't picture what would happen after she was gone, he couldn't imagine it, he didn't want to. His shoulders almost slumped as he silently demanded that she wake up.

* * *

The next day, she was still unconscious and Lenalee brought Kanda soba, knowing he wasn't going to leave Saya's side. No one else had been allowed in the room Saya was inside, and the Chinese girl carefully picked her way around the machines, handing Kanda his food on a tray. "Matron says she's doing better today. The machines are getting information on her condition, so Nii-san can figure out what's wrong with her." Kanda didn't respond. Lenalee frowned and kept herself from sighing. "You should get some rest, Kanda-kun. Saya will get mad if you don't sleep because you're waiting for her to wake up."

His eyes shot up to the girl, but he said nothing; just took the soba and proceeded to eat, but his mind was still on the auburn haired girl that hadn't woken up yet. Lenalee was close to the two of them, closer than anyone else in the Order and she usually knew more than she let on. "Sleeping in that chair isn't good for you, Kanda-kun, and stop blaming yourself. Whatever happened wasn't your fault. You saved her, you know that, right? She'd be—"

"I know." He finally grumbled, not letting her finish that sentence. It was silent for a few moments, at least until he finished eating and finally placed his chopsticks on the tray and loved back over at Lenalee, still frowning. "Her Innocence has shut down."

"…W-what?" From what he knew, Lenalee was only aware that Saya's Innocence was in her brain, but not necessarily the exact location in her brain.

"Her Innocence is in her brain. It takes up the portion of it that keeps her motor abilities functioning. When her Innocence breaks or shuts down, her brain stops, she can't function. That's what happened." His eyes were back on Saya. She'd never liked talking about her Innocence, she'd never really liked talking about anything that had to do with herself, but she had told him that, with provocation, but she had told him nonetheless. She still trusted him, even when she was worried that she'd betrayed his trust by not telling him things from her childhood, by not telling him _everything_. Maybe he needed to return those feelings, maybe he needed to trust her as much as she did him, trust her to wake up… trust her to return his own feelings.

"Kanda-kun…" His eyes snapped up to meet Lenalee's, she was attaching him closely, he could tell, but she looked incredibly worried still, as though she hadn't been sleeping much. What was it with all the women he knew and not sleeping? "She'll wake up. I guarantee it."

"What?" Wasn't she just worried the other day that Saya might not?

Lenalee smirked a little bit as she made her way to the door. "How can she not when you're waiting for her?"

Just as she left he felt his cheeks begin to heat up just slightly, embarrassed and angry all at the same time, but he didn't move. Chasing her out of the room, standing too quickly, anything could have caused him to touch one of the many delicate things that were keeping Saya alive at the moment and he wasn't angry enough with Lenalee to risk her safety any more. His eyes were back on the sleeping girl a moment later. Lenalee was right, he was waiting for her to wake up and it was painfully obvious. Everyone in the entire Order had to know what he was doing and they were all likely drawing their own conclusions and unfortunately most of them would be right. He had… feelings for the young woman, he couldn't keep telling himself he didn't. He might not have been entirely sure what kind of feelings they were, but he'd never felt as lost as he had when she'd collapsed, he'd never really been scared of losing someone before. As an exorcist he knew that he fought day in and day out, people died and they would continue to die until the war with the Millennium Earl was over. Yet he was _scared_ of losing her. It wouldn't be the same as when she'd been running about to stay away from The Order, he'd known she was alive out there somewhere, every now and then he would hear of Finders that had come back from a mission, beat up and complaining about a girl. He'd known it was her. He'd known she was alive and well enough to be beating up Finders with little to no problems. She wasn't there, but she wasn't _gone._ Now there was a very real possibility that she could be. And she might not be coming back.

How many times had he told himself and others that feelings only got in the way? His own advice had always been to throw out any feelings he could have possibly had for another person, because the likelihood of them dying was always so high. Yet he couldn't follow his own advice. And Saya was still unconscious, alive but only barely. If she were to… if she were to die… Kanda shook his head slightly, the moment barely perceptible. She wouldn't die. She was getting better and if he knew anything about her, she would be damned to go like that. Besides, her Innocence needed a compatible host didn't it? It couldn't possibly kill the only person capable of synchronizing with it.

"Yuu~!" His brow twitched almost instantly and his eyes narrowed into a furious glare as he turned his head just enough to see the annoying redhead that always used his first name. "Hey." The annoying sing song tone was gone now, for once that stupid rabbit seemed almost serious. He glanced once at Saya before looking back at Kanda and placed his hands in his pockets. "Lenalee said you haven't been sleeping and that you might want to talk to… well a guy for one and someone you wouldn't try to kill." When the rabbit was serious, Kanda had to admit that he was much easier to deal with, but he didn't want to _talk_ with anyone. "Gramps offered to see if he could find anything out via acupuncture, but Komui said she was getting better on her own. The science department expects her to wake up by herself." He was leaning against the wall, watching the Japanese exorcist, but the other male's eyes were on Saya, which was expected, all things considered.

Kanda didn't respond, but Lavi didn't really need him to. It was nearly impossible to hide anything from the redhead. He had photographic memory and because of that, he noticed any and all changes on the faces of those around him. The way Kanda looked at and treated Saya had changed slightly, the change had been slow and subtle, but present and he took notice of it, even though he'd said nothing. Kanda had always been the type to pretend he didn't have feelings or ignore the ones he had, but it seemed that it was impossible where this one girl was concerned. They must have had one hell of a childhood together for her to affect him so much, and she must have been something special indeed if she could get Kanda to show so much emotion, even if it was only in small amounts.

"You know, you should tell her when she wakes up." He stated almost boredly, watching Kanda's eyes snap over to him, just a little bit of confusion evident. "About how you feel." Silence. "What? Is the great Yuu scared of talking about feelings? You're human, as much as you try to pretend you're not, you are. You have feelings, however small. You're going to have to tell her one day. The sooner the better."

"Che." That was all Kanda had to say on the matter. He'd only just come to the conclusion that maybe… he was more fond of Saya than he'd let himself believe before. Maybe he really did like her, maybe it was something more. Now was hardly the time to start talking about feelings. When she woke up… there would be far too many things to do and he didn't want to make her worry about that, he didn't want her avoiding him either. If he told her… if he mentioned that he didn't want her to leave, he didn't want her to die, if she figured out just exactly what that meant, she'd avoid him like the plague, she'd be far too embarrassed to look at his face and when she did manage to face him, all he'd hear would be snippy remarks. It was hardly the time.

"Anyway, you need to get some real rest sometime soon. The Head Nurse is talking about kicking you out and barring you entrance because you haven't slept yet. And she won't be too happy if she finds out you've been sleeping in a chair because of her." He motioned toward Saya with his chin once and a moment later was grinning like he always had. "I'll just be going now. Have fun _staring_ at your _girlfriend_ Yuu~"

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Any reviews to this will be replied to in the next chapter (23) of **Blade Chord**.


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